After being married for 13 years to wife Jada Pinkett-Smith, actor Will Smith seems like he would be a good person to sit down and talk with about how to make a healthy marriage work. He recently spoke with Essence about relationships, schooling us on not only on love and marriage, but what men need to be happy.
He says that every man wants to marry their “homie,” avoid nagging by direct affection, give your man a little space, and keep things mysterious. Take a read below.
I found an interesting article in the Tribune today which shows a correlation between romantic relationships and drug and alcohol use. Prior to this article, I had realized that people who are in stable relationships lead more sober lives versus the single man/woman. I believe if you are in a stable relationship, you tend to be more focused on how to improve your own life. When you’re in love, you’re HAPPY. If it is a loving relationship, you definitely would not want to risk losing the other person over something recreational like drugs or booze. There was an actual study performed about this … take a read below!
Marriage usually helps stabilize behavior, with people less likely to use drugs and drink once wedded. The same appears to be true of young adults in romantic relationships, a new study has found.
Researchers examined surveys of 909 people who were followed beginning in first or second grade up through two years after high school. They found
the typical person of age 19 or 20 who was not in a stable relationship were about 40% more likely to use marijuana and drink heavily compared with someone who was in a relationship. 
The researchers controlled for other factors that affect drinking and drug use, such as employment status. The people who were not in relationships were less likely than their dating peers to have used marijuana or alcohol in high school, however.
“For these individuals, the new freedoms of early adulthood and lack of social control from a partner posed the greatest risks in terms of escalation of substance use,” the authors wrote.
It could be that young people in relationships are getting support from their romantic partner that helps them avoid substances or that they are spending less time hanging out with substance-abusing friends or in bars.
“Even dating relationships activate mechanisms of support and control, although to a lesser extent than more serious relationship statuses of cohabitation or marriage,” the authors wrote.
“These findings show how bonding, adopting the behavior patterns of a partner and the interaction between these two processes influence substance use in early adulthood.”
The study was published Wednesday in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior.
I found this valuable article on MarieClaire.com and it confirmed my stance on getting back with your ex. An ex is an ex for a reason – so NO, it is NOT a good idea to get back with an ex. Mind you, the term ex is defined as a lover that you literally ended a relationship with and dated other people after the break-up. The article is not referring to a significant other that you are taking a break from. Keep reading below – the article makes so much sense.
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You break up. Time goes by. Things get quiet, and then out of nowhere you get an innocent text message, e-mail, or phone call. Before you know it, “How’s it going?” leads “Sure I can meet” which turns into “Why did I break up with him again?” and ends with the question “Should I try this again?” No, you shouldn’t.
(This is my fave part in the article) Exes are like old clothes in your closet. Sometimes they fit, sometimes they don’t. They may be out of style. You may not like to wear them, or maybe you do, or maybe you just wear them once in a while. For whatever reason, though, you just cannot bear to throw them away. Just like the clothes you keep in your closet and no longer wear, there is a reason that your exes are just that.
Time apart from an ex can provide a moment of clarity about the relationship that was not possible or difficult to achieve during it. Hindsight gives us the ability to savor our regret, and reconsider the choice we made. In vulnerable moments, though, hindsight also affords us the opportunity to crave something that was flawed but comfortable over the journey of understanding what it is that we truly want in a partner.
If you regret the choice to end a relationship and recognize that it was right for you and meets your needs, then do everything you can to revive it. Otherwise, have the courage and conviction to leave your ex in your past. In either case, be decisive.
In the end, settling for someone you have had before knowing full-well that they are not the answer to your relationship needs does more harm than good because it reinforces that you cannot have or deserve what you want.
SMH ... the classic lipstick on the collar!
(lifescript.com) Approximately 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada – Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist. That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50% of U.S. men cheat at some point in their marriages.
See the results below from a recent study (June 2009) peformed by Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date and Mate – and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top
Why They Say They Cheat
Here are 9 excuses guys give for doing the extramarital mambo:
1. She ain’t what she used to be.
The typical man can’t resist the temptation of riper fruit, especially if the woman in his life has let herself go.
“If she got lazy physically or gained weight or just doesn’t take care of herself, a guy will start looking at other women,” Santagati says.
2. No one loves a ball buster.
Perhaps nothing will drive a married man into the arms of another woman faster than a nagging wife. “She’s like a mosquito,” Santagati says. “He doesn’t want to have sex with her; he wants to [swat her away].”
The more viable option: hot sex with a more “understanding” woman.
3. She just doesn’t “get” me.
Men who cheat say they don’t feel understood by their mate. But it’s not always the woman. Mostly they’re either angry or afraid to connect.
“It’s easier for men to go outside the relationship than work it out with their partner,” says UNLV’s Hertlein. “We see this ‘triangulation’ a lot.”
4. It’s the thrill.
Most guys who have affairs are getting in touch with their inner caveman: They like to play with fire. “It adds a level of danger,” Santagati says, “and danger adds to the excitement.”
By keeping surprise and sizzle in your sex life, a woman can keep the home fires burning so hot that her man won’t have any reason to cheat.
5. Blame it on the “hunter.”
Often, married men who cheat can’t quite explain their motivation. They just find themselves compelled to bust out of their day-to-day routine in search of something new. It’s a primitive instinct that dates back to their role as hunter and gatherer – only this time, they’re hunting and gathering new women.
“Maybe he got married too young,” Santagati says, “or he just feels as if he hasn’t seen everything.”
6. Biology, baby.
“It’s our biological nature to be with as many females as possible,” Santagati says.
“Once we’ve seen a woman naked several times, it becomes commonplace. It doesn’t matter if you’re Jessica Alba or Sienna Miller, we become accustomed to your body and want to experience something different – different lips, different body types. We’re only monogamous because we realize that love and friendship are more important than getting laid.”
7. It’s just sex.
For most guys, sex and love are two entirely different things.
“We really believe, ‘I can still love my wife and want to have sex with other women.’ We separate it in our brains,” Santagati says.
That rationale allows guys to cheat guilt-free, with one notable exception:
So when their partner is tired from wrangling kids all day and unwilling to try new things, even the most loyal hubbies get bored and go looking for nookie.
More sexually permissive men who don’t have equally adventurous partners are also more apt to wander, says UNLV’s Hertlein. Their sexual values are just not compatible.
9. Because we can.
Ok, we’re guys, remember? It’s hard to resist temptation, especially when it’s at our fingertips.
Thanks to the Internet, it’s easier for men to cheat anytime, anywhere… while they’re watching TV or on the laptop in bed next to their sleeping wives.
“We’re not talking about penis and vaginas,” Hertlein says. “Cheating is defined as anything that breaches a relationship contract.”
“That includes “sexy communication and flirting that’s kept secret from your partner.”
Girltalk 24/7: Ladies and Gents – WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?? PLEASE COMMENT
My girl Priti recommended a recent article (August 12, 2009) related to why women cheat. Now, we women ARE emotional creatures so before I read this article, I had presumed the reasons listed in the article were surrounded by a woman’s feelings – and I was 100% RIGHT 
And I LOVE being RIGHT, lol. Anyway, I think the article makes a LOT of sense. You know, I hate to say it – but women cheat just as often as men do. I am one who does NOT believe in cheating when you are in a committed relationship. It’s hard to be committed now-a-days but if you honestly love someone and care about the other person’s feelings 100%, it’s really not that difficult at all 
Read the article below, very on point!
(Livestrong.com by Corinna Underwood)
Feelings of loneliness are one of the most common reasons which lead women to cheat on their partner. Though it may seem a contradiction to say that a woman feels lonely within a relationship, she may feel that the relationship is not emotionally fulfilling. This can be particularly problematic if her partner is deeply involved with his work or his friends and leaves her to spend a lot of time alone. Balancing time between work and friends outside the relationship will help her feel wanted and stop her from feeling inclined to seek attention outside of the relationship.
While you may discuss the important day to day issues of your relationship such as work, household chores and family life, women often need to talk about more personal issues like life goals, dreams for the future and what you love about each other. This type of intimacy helps to build reassurance and stability in a relationship and will stop women from wanting to seek these important intimacies with another man.
Though you started out on the same path together, your lives may have diverged so much that your partner feels you no longer have anything in common. If its come down to the point where she spends more time with her girlfriends than with you, it might be time to consider making an effort to spend time doing things together that you both enjoy. This will encourage her to be more attentive to you than her friends or another man who she may feel has more in common with her.
If your partner has caught you cheating, then she is obviously feeling rejected, hurt and angry. If this is the case, then she may cheat as an act of revenge to try and compensate for these feelings. She may feel that she deserves to indulge herself to pay you back for your infidelities.
Sometimes women can feel insecure abut themselves and will cheat in an attempt to boost their confidence and stroke their ego. Sometimes they may feel that their partner is not giving them enough attention or attention in the way that they would like; this can lead them to seek the attention and flattery of other men which may develop into cheating.
Corinna Underwood is a writer based in Atlanta. Her articles regularly appear in Alive Magazine, after Dark and FOXNews.com. She has also published several fiction and non-fiction books.
Do you women disagree or agree with Underwood? Men, can you understand a woman’s point of view when it comes to our needs?
http://www.what-women-want-from-men.com/index.html
What Women Want Men to do:
When women get what they need and want from men, men win too because a happy woman means a happier home and quite possibly a better sex life!
Ladies, do you agree with the list above? Fellas, are you COMPLETELY satisfying your woman in ALL areas??
